Running To Stand Still

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The Stress in the Rules we Create – You OWE Me

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balance in your worldThe other day I was chatting to a good friend and he was upset. He was a feeling a little depressed and he was listing off the reasons why this was the way he should be. He was compiling a list of facts for himself and …he thought for me too. We like to listen and believe ourselves when we do this. It sounds real because…guess what? We said it. It MUST be true.
He was very upset because he felt that he needed some help, someone to listen…and yet…all of the people that HE helped on a regular basis didn’t seem to help him back. In his opinion, if you help someone it creates a debt and they must help you back. I said…well I am listening…and he was upset about that too. He said I do all of the listening and he never feels like he can be the one to help me.
As a Certified Life Coach I often listen to people list their RULES about how “people should act” or” life should be”. One of my jobs is to look past what they are saying and ask some pretty basic questions. One of the things I asked was…”Who made the rule that your friends must do for you EXACTLY what you do for them? “ He promptly told me that that was the way it worked. I challenged him on this type of thinking. We all have unique skills and relationships with people. If I cut his hair I sure as heck don’t want him to cut mine. Giving should be just that. Giving. Trust that it will be returned but not always in the way that you decide/think it will and certainly not always by the exact same person. We pay it forward into a big pool of giving and love and sometimes we get something that we never even knew we needed back. When I asked him some things that had surprised and delighted him, he shocked himself (and me a little) by giving me a long list. The reality was, he was receiving even more than he felt he was giving but was getting hung up because the source did not match his RULE. That conversation shook him up a bit because it shifted his reality. Since then, he has caught himself lapsing back into that thought pattern occasionally and since he recognizes it he is able to step away from it more easily and quickly each time. He is so much more relaxed since he has allowed a ton of unresolved resentments to flow away.
Are there any RULES that you have created that are holding you back from having an Outrageously Happy Life? Sometimes they are tough to see on your own since you hold them to your heart as truth. Life Coaches are a great way to get some perspective. They see your whole, wonderful self and are truly rooting for your success. I know I am.

Much Love! ~Jolie

Author: joliessmiling

Constantly on the run, Jolie works hard to wear all the hats in her life. She has 3 kids in activities, one in post secondary, volunteers in the school and community, works for a communication company and sits on the executive of several committees. She is married to a great guy who travels constantly. She is a city girl who lives on 20 acres. She owns Angelfish Consulting and is a certified facilitator of the FISH!™Philosophy, providing fun and motivational workshops to businesses. She is also a Certified Life Coach. She is an advocate of doing your best to live a balanced life. Sometimes, if she is lucky, she gets a workout in or time to weed her garden. If there is a little dust on the knickknacks…well...it will have to wait.

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